The Expendables 2 - The Re(al) - view

Barney Ross: I heard another rumor that you were bitten by a king cobra.
Booker: Yeah. But after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.

When you've got a poster like this, how dare you complain of too much action

You may want to skip this review if you've not seen the movie; and if you have .... welcome!!!

I am sick and tired of people complain that The Expendables (Parts 1 & 2) are too violent, c'mon! that was  it's intended goal, this is a movie that celebrates the era of the "tough guy movies" of the 1970's & 80's - like Rocky, The Terminator, Robocop, Die Hard, Commando, Rambo etc. The common denominator for films like these was a single protagonist taking on a large number of bad guys in very unrealistic manners .. but who cared? It was fun to watch period!

The Expendables is like an all-star classical action movie; hence if you never appreciated these movie in the 70's - 90's, then how can you possibly enjoy the all-star version.

Now to the plot, the Expendables is in this format - A group of mercenaries (The Expendables) are sent on a mission as usual (OK, maybe not as usual) and what was supposed to be a simple pick up in a jungle in Albania, was sabotaged by an international arms dealer (named Jean Vilain); in the process killing the newest & youngest member of the expendables (Billy played by Liam Hemsworth), which was kind of sad, and the rest well ... if you're a classical action movie fan you already know; and if not ... The expendables set out on a revenge mission that is super bloody!

Simply put - a revenge movie.

Nora Ephron: A Tribute.

Here are the few movies Nora Ephron worked on as either producer or director or both! I decided to do this after watching her last movie - Julie & Julia. Goodbye :)

When Harry Met Sally (Producer)

[after Sally fakes orgasm in a deli]
Older Woman Customer: [to waiter] I'll have what she's having.

Cookie (Producer)

Lenore: I raised you all by myself. I was a single mother long before they were talking about it on Oprah Winfrey.

Braveheart (Random Images)

William Wallace: Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home you pass by to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.

Pearl Harbor (Random Image)

Lt. Col. Jimmy Doolittle: You know what top secret is?"
Rafe: Yes, sir. It's the kind of mission where you get medals, but they send 'em to your relatives.

Opened: May 25, 2001 Runtime: 3 hr. 03 min. Genre:  Action, Drama, Romance Rated: PG-13

The Rock (Random Images)

Stanley Goodspeed: Why didn't you just tell them were the microfilm was and create a solution?

John Mason: The moment they had the microfilm, they'd suicide me. Some solution.

John Mason: I'm sure all this will make a great bed time story to tell your kid. 

Stanley Goodspeed: You're insane, Mason. The kid'll have nightmares. I'll spend all my money on shrinks.

Opened: June 07, 1996 Runtime: 2 hr. 16 min. Genre:  Action, Thriller, Adventure Rated: R

Men in Black 3 - The Re(al) - view

Agent J: Knuckles, you know you're not supposed to be north of Canal Street!
Hood: Who's Knuckles?
[a graffiti drawing comes to life in front of the hood]
Knuckles: Relax, punk. They're looking for me, not you!
Agent J: Crazy, right? Two grown men talking to the wall, wall talking back? It's a mess. Hey, don't even worry about it.

Before I get down to it, in my opinion, Josh Brolin's role as the young Agent K was real good, But! My man of the movie (I know it sounds cheesy) was none other than Jemaine Clement as Boris the Animal (you may also know him as 'Nigel' in Rio). And as for Will Smith's role as Agent J was just okay.

Now down to the core of the movie - story; MIB 3 wins with its director but fails woefully with its story; it felt like recycled material from the on-set, you know an alien that's trying to conquer earth - wait a minute isn't that similar to the first two MIB movies? Oh yes it is! The only difference this time seemed to be the whole going to the past twist, which was underutilized (c'mon that can't be the best 1969 had to offer us). This sequel was to reveal more about K's past but after the entirety of the movie, it was J's past that was explained in a way - thus linking the first and third films together (a smart move, considering how awful the second was).

But then, why was MIB 3 fun to watch? it's actors/characters! - well just two and half of them.

The Help (Random Images)

Aibileen Clark: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Minny Jackson: Fried chicken just tend to make you feel better about life.

All Dogs Go to Heaven (Random Image)

Whippet Angel: All dogs go to heaven because, unlike people, dogs are naturally good and loyal and kind.

Charlie & Anne-Marie

Flo: She's burning up a fever, Charlie. She could have pneumonia!
Charlie: Think she needs a vet?
Flo: Charlie, she's a little girl. She needs a doctor.

 Opened: November 17, 1989 Runtime: 1 hr. 29 min. Genre: Adventure, Comedy, Action Rated: G

Little Miss Sunshine (Random Image)

Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet.
[Audience applauds]
Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive: In the trunk of our car.

 Opened: July 26, 2006 Runtime: 1 hr. 41 min. Genre: Comedy, Drama, Adventure Rated: R


My heart and prayer goes to the victims and families of the massacre at Aurora, Colorado; why did you have to shoot all those people James (Holmes)? Why? 
:(

The Pirates! Band of Misfits - The Re(al) - view

Black Bellamy: You want to be Pirate of the Year? Do they just give it to the guy with the fattest parrot?
Pirate Captain: She's not fat, she's just big-boned!
Black Bellamy: She's fat, dude!
[the Dodo vomits on Bellamy]
Black Bellamy: Dude, come on! 

Also known as The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists.

It's fun, pacy, exciting, funny, featuring a quirky captain named - Pirate Captain (yep! last name Captain), a crew of amateur pirates, a Pirate of the Year competition, a secret society with a twisted hobby, Charles Darwin (who is, well, nuts) and a Dodo bird named Polly!!! 

While stop motion may not look glamorous or refined and termed old school, when it comes to Aardman Animations, who brought classics like Chicken Run, Wallace & Gromit and Arthur Christmas, you can expect the best. The tweaked Pirates!, compared to their previous projects, a bit by injecting a whole lot of humor blended with intelligent quirks. A gag-fest. The animation is detailed as expected (c'mon it's Aardman!), especially Pirate Captain's luxuriant beard - which was begging to be touched.